SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
