Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
