Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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