it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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