It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize