i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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