Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
