...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need moral support for this bender
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
