That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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