I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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