I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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