I want you more than these girls want KFC
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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