You're my little dorito
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
