I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I forget how to act sober
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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