Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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