...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
