I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
