So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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