Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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