At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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