Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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