He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
