community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
