i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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