get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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