Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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