i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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