I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
