The maid of honor just puked.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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