she kept yelling 'call me bella'
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
