you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
