I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
