Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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