Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize