I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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