Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
