complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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