If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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