The best revenge is premature balding
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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