If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
