So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize