drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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