3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
