Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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