yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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