Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
