he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
