I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize