Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
