I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
