This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
