The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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