My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
