it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
