Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
