im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
