New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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