Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
