So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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