Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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