I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
