I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
