my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
