What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
