Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
