just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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