All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
