On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
