Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
