One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
