I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dick very happy bro
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
