According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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