I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
there is glitter all over my balls
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
