You made me cry and you don't even care
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
