So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
