No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
