Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
True college students do jello shots in the library
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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