this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
