Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
