Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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