Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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