Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
