my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
