I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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