...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
