The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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