We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
