Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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