How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
