my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
