You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you win again, gameday.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize