apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
