Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
