32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
