I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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