i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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