I need to stop coming to work sober
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
