I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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