if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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